is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize