Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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