I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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