I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
