Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
