Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
