You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
last night I used snow as a chaser
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
