Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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