She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
