When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
