The maid of honor just puked.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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