You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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