Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
