I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
