I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize