I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
