The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
