that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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