my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
