Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
