This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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