Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
