Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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