well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
