Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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