I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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