My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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