from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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