Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
