Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
