Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
