I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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