My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
