oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
