apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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