..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
