i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
