just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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