worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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