If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
