That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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