I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
