Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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