Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
