If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i dont even know how to be here
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
