Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
