Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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