Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
