I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
my liver is dry heaving
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
