If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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