im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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