I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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