just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
