Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
