did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
false alarm, still single
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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