I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
