Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
