Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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