By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
