we'll go far in life on tits alone.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
