i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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