I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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