meet me or not, i'm out of control
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
