All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
where does the pee come out of this thing
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
