but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
