I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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