WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
