dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Im part way to drunk.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
