Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
