If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
