i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
