god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
