i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
