A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
