Pappa wants mamma naked
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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