I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
