we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
