Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
3 2 1 whiskey
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
