just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
