I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
